Before Your Next IEP Meeting: What This OT Wishes Every Parent Knew
You got the email. There's a meeting on the calendar — a room full of school staff, a stack of paperwork, and your child's future somewhere in the middle of it. And if your stomach drops a little every time you think about walking in there, you are not alone. I have been there on both sides. One as a parent and the other as an OT.
I've sat in hundreds of these meetings from the school side, as a pediatric occupational therapist. One thing most parents don't realize until it's too late is: you have far more power in that room than you think — but only if you walk in prepared.
Here's what I want you to know before you sit down at the meeting.
You are not there to be told what will happen. You are there to decide it.
An IEP meeting can feel like a presentation you're supposed to nod along to. It isn't. You are an equal member of that team — legally. Your voice about your own child counts as much as anyone's at that table. When you understand that going in, the whole meeting changes.
You can bring someone with you. Multiple sources note parents have the right to bring an advocate, therapist, or support person — and the school can't deny it.
Come with your own picture of your child — in writing. Everything should be in writing.
The school will bring data. You should too — and yours doesn't have to be clinical. Bring:
Work samples that show the struggle (the homework that ended in tears, the writing that doesn't match how bright your kid clearly is out loud).
Specific examples, not general worries. "He melts down every night around writing homework" lands harder than "he's struggling."
What you want — even roughly. You don't need the perfect words. You need to know your own goal before you get there.
Watch for the phrases that quietly close doors.
Some things sound reasonable in the moment but can steer your child away from support:
"Let's wait and see." Sometimes fair — but ask: wait for what, and for how long? Get the checkpoint in writing. Also, if you ask for an evaluation in writing and they say no, they legally have to give you that 'no' in writing, with their reasons. A verbal brush-off isn't a real answer.
"He's doing fine." Fine compared to what? Ask how they're measuring it.
"That's not something we do here." Ask them to show you where it says that. Often, it's a preference, not a rule.
You don't have to be combative. You just have to be clear, and to ask the follow-up question instead of nodding.
The magic words: "Can we put that in the notes?"
Anything the team agrees to verbally can evaporate by the next meeting. If someone says they'll check on something, monitor something, or try something — ask, warmly, "Can we add that to the notes?" It's not aggressive. It's how you make a good intention into a plan.
You don't need to become an expert overnight. You need to be prepared for this meeting.
That's exactly why I put everything I know from many years attending these meetings on the school side into one plain-language guide.
Seat at the Table is a 77-page guide that walks you through your rights, the questions to ask, and how to prepare for your child's next IEP meeting so you walk in steady instead of scared. It's $17 — less than the cost of walking out of one more meeting wishing you'd known what to say.
You know your child better than anyone in that room. Let's make sure the room knows it too.
— Cherie Johnson, MOT, OTR/L · 20+ years as a pediatric occupational therapist